Why, exactly?

Posted on Nov 14, 2013 by Oliver

In which the author pursues Truth and Beauty into the bowels of Dereliction and Poor Hygiene (yes, they have bowels)

So I got this fancy new website. My friend Chen Pollina made it happen, and I am so pleased with how it turned out and I thought I should proooooobably go ahead and use the "blog" page he set up for me and break y'all off a piece or two of my regionally-renowned wit and profundity. You're welcome.

"Where to begin?" I thought to myself. "My mind is so burdened with thoughts, ideas, precepts, insights, witticisms, pithy observations and matters of great import that I scarcely know where to turn in the maelstrom of my restless intellect!"

You know how it goes.

"I've got it!" I declared to myself, nearly correcting my terrible posture from sheer excitement. "I shall expound on Why I Make Art! Give the hoi polloi a little glimpse into my process. Ruminate on what has impelled me to spend the years of my adolescence and adulthood thusfar in obedience to Euterpe's exhortations... Yes! I shall write a stirring ode to Creativity Itself! I shall ratify the worth of aesthetic endeavor! I shall make...  STATEMENT. Nay, better yet, I shall give them a to-the-minute play-by-play of my internal dialogue as I craft this very Statement, with Joycean fidelity to the magnitude of every infinitesimal moment. Yes, yeeeeeees! Posterity shall thank me".

Feeling a sense of deep connection to all living and non-living beings and assured of the righteousness of my mission, I stared at the screen and waited for something to happen.

Crickets. Or their Pacific Northwest urban equivalent.

I think I can hear my eyelids when I blink. Is that a thing?

The ticking of clocks. I fucking hate ticking clocks. Soundtrack of my absurd mortality.

The barely perceptible hum of pipes. You never really hear them until they're reminding you of the folly of your every attempt at greatness.

Hm, should probably strike some of the editorializing from the credo. Despair is so early 90s... NO, honesty and transparency in all things! The people need my bravery in the face of universal annihilation!

The drone of the highway. Significant... in its insignificance? I'm kinda reaching now. Get it together...

 

The warning squeak of a fire alarm whose battery is on its last legs. I hope the basement doesn't catch on fire because I can't move. Not now. Not with so much at stake.

I'd better get this right. I've set the bar awfully high for myself. And rightly so. Right. Ly. So. 

 

..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

 

                               .........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

 

 

 

 

 

I have been sitting on my couch now for sixty seven straight hours. This is all I've come up with. I hope the people are grateful for this window into my arduous process. Genius has its price. Can't stop now... I'm frightfully hungry and my throat is so dry and my roommate keeps passing through the living room and I feel his disapproving glare and he keeps garbling something about "rent" but he has ALWAYS ENVIED MY DEDICATION TO MY CRAFT and a voice is whispering to me in the back of my head in the voice of Cate Blanchett in the role of Galadriel or Galahad  or whatever her elfy name is that I can lay my burden down and happily accept my languid mediocrity and I feel her caressing my soul like a gentle brush from an ontological feather duster andGET BEHIND ME, THOU SUCCUBUS!!!!  i feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, my breakthrough is just... around... the...

UIBY(#V%&PBBtylittlriticswatteamFVPN*(W$&NlitigiousbuhelpmeiamsohungrypkisBKGJdli7nba3q73litubers lirgvaoUIBY(#V%&PBBFVboringboringboringPN(W$&NBKiwantcandyGJdli7nba3q73lituberssendpizzalotsofpizzaithin0p161qlsieugryowne5789v68&^G*C@tfeedmeB@)^&_egrsveheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelpseriouslygiy73V(%)yoeriu908%IUKHUIBY(#V%&PBBFVbsh

Shit, must have nodded off at the keyboard.

Get it together, Franklin. The world needs you. Just one little aphorism encapsulating the perfect marriage of transcendence and tragedy that haunts you by night and taunts you by day, that's it, then you can eat... then you can go to the bathroom... then you can answer all those phone calls from your mother and other concerned creditors... just... hold... on...

END, PART ONE